Who I Help
Why you want to see a counselor that is specialized for your needs:
For many people, seeing a general counselor is a great option. Generalists serve a broad population and have a set of skills that tend to apply across the board to help their clients, just like your primary care physician can take care of most of your ailments. In some cases it’s better to see someone who works with a specific set of issues.
Since my practice focuses on those with anxiety, my toolkit for working with anxiety, stress, boundaries, and self-esteem issues is more equipped than your average generalist. Because I am more focused in the people that I treat, I am able to maintain a smaller caseload to better research and prepare to ensure that my clients each received individualized care.
I’ve worked in a number of fields over the past 7 years and have learned that I love helping people with a lot of different challenges. While my list below isn’t exhaustive, these are some topics that I’m very successful in treating:
Social discomfort and people pleasers
There’s a lot of people who buy into the idea of introverts versus extroverts. While this can be a part of our personality and who we are as people, I often find that social anxiety is often mistaken for introversion. People pleasers feel like they have to keep the peace in the group. You might feel like you’re are walking on eggshells, constantly watching out for everyone else around you.
My clients who struggle with this have been doing it so long they often don’t even recognize when and how they are monitoring themselves or editing their thoughts and words for the sake of others. When they return home, they feel absolutely exhausted. At the same time, there’s this fear that “if I don’t keep the peace for everyone else, they won’t be there for me.”
If you feel like you are taking on the emotional load of your friends or family members, this might be you.
My clients who put in effort and engage in counseling are able to practice recognizing when they are taking on the emotional burdens of others and start experiencing empowerment in their relationship. This isn’t to say that everyone needs to be a social butterfly, but it shouldn’t be an energy suck! I can help you feel comfortable in your own skin again or maybe for the very first time.
Perfectionism and high achiever burnout
Perfectionism isn’t all bad! After all, it’s the thing that motivates you to keep going when others quit. It’s what helps you get that A in school or that next job promotion. Maybe it helps you earn and save money to buy that house or retire early.
At the same time, you might get to the point where you are burning out and can’t shut that perfectionism off. At work or in school, you’re considered highly competent. People see you as successful and holding it all together. Whenever you receive a compliment, it makes you uncomfortable and you write it off. You feel alone, like no one actually knows you. Logically, you know that you are successful and hitting all of your benchmarks, but it never seems like it is enough. Wherever you meet your finish line, it seems like the finish line moves further and further out.
Let’s look at what fuels your perfectionism and what fears come to mind when you think of disappointing others. Together we can turn down the intensity of perfectionism and reduce your burnout so you can enjoy life. The point isn’t to get rid of your high achievements but make it work for you in a way that doesn’t take away from your life.
Stressed, Anxious, and Overwhelmed
There are two main sources of anxiety. The one we tend to imagine is when there is an intense scenario in which someone nervously awaits potentially bad news. There’s a much more common version of anxiety that we often miss.
Most of my clients don’t use the “clinical” word of anxiety, but rather words like stressed and overwhelmed.
When people start worrying excessively about things outside of their control, this is a sign of anxiety. When there’s anger outbursts and you’re unsure of how to have a conversation about what’s bothering or, an in some cases, not even sure what’s bothering you.Feeling worn out and run down is another sign. It’s almost like your brain is saying, “We can’t handle this anymore, so I’m going to shut down.” In some cases, people start experiencing depression as a result of their stress.
The hard part, you brain can’t selective tune out an emotion like stress. Your brain will numb out life across the board and you’ll find yourself not interested in doing the fun things that you used to enjoy.
Some people start having a hard time concentrating or remembering details that they used to. Maybe there’s the feeling that you’re not as sharp as you used to be.
Sleep is also a big indicator that stress might be taking its toll on you. Struggling to fall asleep and stay asleep long enough to get rest can be a symptom of stress. Many who suffer from stress-related sleep issues wake up, their brain automatically turns on, and they can’t seem to get back to that restful sleep they used to have.
There can be a lot that contributes to the development of stress. I attack your stress from two angles. We can work on a few skills to makes your symptoms a little more manageable. Then, we work on understanding why the anxiety is there for you.
Marriage and Couples Counseling
There used to be this seamless connection between you and your partner. You loved being around each other and knew that you brought out the best in each other. Over time, small arguments that you could recover from quickly at the beginning of your relationship wore on you both. No matter what the content of your argument is about, the same pattern keeps happening.
When you try to connect with your partner, it feels like one person is initiating while the other one pulls away. Even when life is manageable between each other, you are both on edge waiting for the cycle of conflict to start over again. You feel disconnected, but you weigh your odds if it’s even worth talking about. If you’re the initiator in your relationship, you long to connect, but you also fear pushing your partner away. On the other hand, maybe you are the partner who tries to keep the peace by avoiding tough conversations. Even though you know you could be closer, you don’t want to do anything that would lead to any more distance and conflict in your relationship.
Whether you are currently initiating or avoiding painful conversations, you want to feel known and cared for by your partner. You are ready to find that connection again as a couple. You want to understand what happens to your partner in those really hard moments of feeling disconnected. You can learn how to reach for them and let them know what’s going on for you so you both can have that secure bond.
I use an approach called Emotion Focus Therapy (EFT). This “gold standard” in therapy treatment reduces strain between 70-90% of couples. As an EFT therapist, I help couples understand their patterns and dynamics in those moments of disconnect on a deeper level. I love helping couples get past the sense of fear that, “If I let myself be vulnerable, then I’m giving in to my partner and they won’t hear me.” It can be scary that we don’t know how to let our partners know what we’re feeling without an edge. As we process through those layers, we will explore new ways that you can reach for each other and finally feel heard. I help couples feel heard.